Put your hands down, give me a hug, baby
by itsafour
Summary: Jake Peralta and Doug Judy are a unique pair - which might be why they can never let go of each other. Missing scenes of Doug and Jake meeting throughout the years; slightly AU, bi!Jake.
1. Chapter 1

Doing the pushups all through the night was tough, but the hardest part of the situation was being left alone with his own thoughts. Jake felt like an idiot for a multitude of reasons – how could have he trusted that guy like that? For some crazy reason he couldn't really quite pinpoint, he had decided to give him the upper hand even though he'd had several warning signs – the reddest one coming from his friend and partner Rosa telling him to stop pursuing such an endeavor.

He couldn't forgive himself.

Worst of all, he couldn't get over the sharp, painful feeling taking over his heart. The feeling of betrayal, of heartbreak, so similar to the one he's felt so many times – Jenny Gildenhorn just happened to kick off a long ass line of girls _and boys_ that were out to break his heart. He couldn't believe that even perps were able to do it too. How pathetic.

Despite the dark thoughts and hurtful feelings, Jake comforted himself in the idea of meeting Doug Judy again – he knew it wouldn't take too long for it to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

_Fresh onion rings are the best. They are crispy and the right amount of warm for this cold winter day._ His flow of consciousness was interrupted by some weird skinny Santa who caught him off guard. What a surprise to notice it was no other than Jake Peralta. Once again, that guy almost had the chance of getting him.

Judy's first reaction was a classic: running. Of course, that is the least effective way of getting out of prison but he gave it a shot – and the added bonus: throwing the onion rings at Peralta's face was funny as hell.

The Pontiac Bandit kept running for the sake of running, knowing fully well that he wouldn't be able to get away this time. As he ran, he had his mind in the right place – he knew he would be able to cut some deal later. He knew way too many high-profile felons; that made him a very desirable tattletale. Peralta finally caught him with the help of smoking-hot-super-sexy Rosa and, getting to the precinct, the detective was obviously gloating but Judy knew better – basking in another person's glow was just fine – especially because it annoyed Peralta so much.

Judy loved annoying Peralta. There was something about that man that was so lovable and charming which made Judy almost want to get caught. Sure, Rosa was hot, but Peralta was entrancing. He was interesting and fascinating. Simultaneously sweet and loud. Irritating but endearing. Judy loved all that. Doug might be a so called bandit but he was a very spiritual fellow – somehow, deep inside, he knew that come what may he was going to meet Peralta again. There was a weird connection – maybe they had been brothers in another life or something.

He didn't break a sweat getting into the precinct. He absolutely knew that he would have some important information to exchange for his sentence, so he was good. He mentioned some big names, but the giggle pig was the one to get reactions. Only if he gave info on Tito Ruiz would he be able to get a lighter sentence – which he did (at the end of it, he would flawlessly and sentencelessly escape at some opportune moment, but no one needed to know that for now).

Judy watched Peralta getting more and more flustered. Peralta is so cute, Judy thought. And he really was. He looked like a puppy. Like an over-excited puppy who wanted to protect his owner from all evil. That was truly adorable. Judy had dealt with evil people, but he didn't consider himself to be evil – no, he didn't think so. He was mischievous, at worst. Deep down he kinda felt bad when Peralta called him "a lie guy" – but then the bad feeling was dominated by an urge to laugh out loud. Peralta was truly adorable. Judy observed as he almost begged the captain for permission on everything. He looked like a puppy but also like a child wanting to impress his dad. Judy got it perfectly. The captain guy – _what's his name again? Harold? Harry? Something with H, for sure_ – was also very charming. He looked like a father, that was it. Like a loving albeit strict father. For such a loving puppy-slash-child like Peralta, that must trigger some deep daddy issues. Judy couldn't bear saving that conclusion to himself.

"I can see why you have such an intense daddy stuff with him."

"Oh yeah, the guy without a dad is the one with daddy issues. Explain that logic."

Doug Judy watched that amount of stupidity in disbelief, processing the fact that this man-looking puppy was the one cop who almost caught him. Explain that logic.

That captain dude was scary but he oozed integrity. Judy saw an opportunity.

"Since I'm going to jail, I wanna enjoy my time left on the outside." That was a long shot, Judy thought to himself, but they needed him – he might as well take advantage of the situation.

Peralta got more and more exasperated by the minute – every little demand drove him insane.

Judy knew he was getting way more than Peralta expected him to get. To be quite honest, Judy himself thought that too, but he was a man ready to make most of every situation, which got him a four-star hotel like the Oneida, no minibar or alcohol allowed, but all-you-can-eat candy and nuts.

"One last thing: Diaz has to be nice to me. I want her to call me Big Sugar."

"She'll never agree to that!"

_Oh, yes, she will._ "No, I'm in." And she did call Judy Big Sugar – he had to recoil; good Lord, she was way too hot.

As expected, Peralta objected. What's up with this guy, Judy thought, he needs to have some fun.

Oh, right, I played him like a bitch last time.

It wasn't that difficult to imagine that his sole focus would be Doug Judy.

"He never leaves my sights", Peralta exclaimed, dramatically.

"Love it!" Judy really did like that idea. He couldn't really hang out with the dude on normal terms and he had a thing for that adorable white boy. "Pontiac bandit and Jake. PB&J ride again!" He started singing "Reunited and it feels so good… It's a duet. Get in on this."

Judy could see Peralta's lips almost lip-syncing to the song. He knew though that he would never allow himself to get in on the song so easily.

"No! No!" Peralta huffed, turning on his heels ready to leave. So adorable!

Jake watched Judy's every move. _No no no no not this time! Not again!_ One would say he was traumatized. He begged to differ – he was merely being cautious. _Fool me once, it's your fault. Fool me twice, it's your fault again because you suck but I won't let it happen this time!_

Judy looked overtly excited about everything in the room. Jake wanted to hop on the fancy train, but he couldn't allow himself to get distracted.

"Imma go freshen up", said Judy, and Jake saw the chance for the bandit to escape.

Taking a look around the bathroom, he grabbed the lethal weapon of choice: a hair dryer.

Judy questioned the confiscation of such electronic, looking genuinely confused but Jake wouldn't be fooled by some poor acting.

As his arch-nemesis got into the – now checked – bathroom, Jake asked for a review of the plan but of course there were more important things going on. At some point, Rosa's speaking sounded like mumbling – _did she just call me a pervert?_ Well, whatever, sticking his hand into Judy's boot to plant a GPS tracker was completely justifiable and necessary.

Back from the bathroom, Judy carried a menu. His excitement was so contagious – damn it, he was a charming man.

"You gonna let the criminal have all the fun?" Jake couldn't argue with that.

They ordered some fancy food whose name didn't sound like food at all. Jake could swear he could hear Rosa's eyes rolling right next to him. _Is that even possible?_

"You know how we take this to the next level? Robes!"

Oh my God, robes! Screw everything, there were lobster and robes involved! For a second, everything that had led to that moment felt insignificant. The pair ran to the bathroom, grabbing one piece of the delicate clothing each, putting over their bodies, hastily tying the belt knots.

Jake was having a moment, running alongside Judy, until both plopped on the king size bed. The detective could swear Rosa's eyes rolling was somehow louder this time around.

"Oh my god, this is the good life, my man!" Lying down, Judy had one arm supporting his head while he used the other one to drag Jake to his side.

Peralta was too caught up in the moment to even care. Allowing himself to be pulled closer, he mirrored Judy's position right next to him, sighing loudly in what sounded like pure joy.

"I know, right?"

"Hey, Peralta, check this out." Jake turned his head to the side to find Judy with a remote control on his hand. "Let's see what this baby has in store for us."

Judy switched channels just for the hell of it. Jake was definitely on board.

"Oh, Sponge Bob!" Jake blurted out.

"Best cartoon of all time." Judy stated, matter-of-factly.

"100% true." Jake sighed, acknowledging facts.

"Character design on point." Judy pointed out.

"Not to mention the setting! They fry burger… underwater!" Jake exclaimed.

"And the opening theme slaps!"

"Slaps hard, my man."

"Jake." Who was calling him out? Oh, right, Rosa. Who happened to be sitting now?

"Alright, Judy" Jake coughed, quite manly – Judy just scoffed "I'm onto you."

"Parks and Recs reruns!" Judy had his eyes glued on the TV "You're such a Leslie."

"Am I?" Leslie was a good girl, Jake wouldn't need to object that.

Some minutes later, the doorbell rang. Doug knew it was Kyle – they had ordered lobster, which was code for following him. His associate would be ready for whatever would happen, but for now he could get some fancy seafood and chill.

Peralta got on his feet to get the food and pay for it – Judy could tell he was that nice kinda guy who would tip generously. Plate on the bed, Doug was horrified by the sight of Peralta touching his fancy feast with his bare fingers – what the hell is going on? Apparently that nut cop thought Judy could use freaking lobster to escape. Pffft. Poor Jake. Scared of lobster while the actual escaping plan went unnoticed under his nose.

"Why don't you just chill and eat some sexy-ass lobster?" Judy offered.

"Okay, we held up our end of the bargain." Rosa intercepted. "Text Ruiz now, _friend_."

Oh, that _friend_ part sounded scary – that means it was sexy as hell.

Judy almost moaned on the spot.

"Fine. Tito, dot, dot, dot. You around, question mark. Wanna meet up, period. Speech to text, we live in a magical age."

"It's like The Jetsons." Jake replied.

Judy loved how they fed off each other's sentences. Literally a couple of minutes ago, Peralta was scared of being stabbed by a lobster claw. Right now, he was name dropping cartoons during small talk. Judy couldn't help but find him, once again, adorable.

"By the way, this Tito dude, he spooks real easy, so…"

"No, there's no way you're going in alone." Peralta said, exasperatedly pointing a finger at him "We're coming with you. I've already got my cover story worked out. My name is Dante Thunderstone." That's interesting, Judy thought. "I stole my first car at the tender age of nine."

"You had to fend for yourself since your mother was struck by lightning." Judy added.

"While she was pregnant with me. She passed. I lived. Some say that makes Zeus my dad."

"Oh!" That dude's funny.

"Mythic."

"That's dope. And, Rosa, you could be my wife…" He couldn't really think of any other name that would fit her so… "Rosa."

"Why would you take your wife with you to meet a drug dealer?"

"'Cause we're partners in everything we do." Duh.

"Aw." Peralta reacted. He's so lovable, Judy thought.

They heard a beep. "Tito wants to meet up", said Judy

"Great, tell him to meet us over here. We'll get him a lobster and a robe." It was so easy to get Peralta on board on the fun, but then Rosa loomed over him like a killer shadow. "I mean no, let's go catch him in the act."

They took some time to finish the lobster and then went to the bathroom to change. For some reason, Peralta had a bunch of clothes with him. Judy observed the man. It was obvious how much fun he was having and how pumped up he was about meeting a drug dealer. Judy pondered: maybe he would have gotten a lot of kicks from being a cop too – arresting bad guys and fighting crime would have been less dull than working 9 to 5, for sure. He internally sighed – too bad he was already too caught up in the crime life to change paths now. Maybe if he had made different choices in the past. Well, who knows? Focus on the now, that's what he always told himself. As he changed back to his previous outfit he saw Peralta wearing the most obnoxious clothes. He looked like a white dude who had a soundcloud to promote his beats. Judy thought that maybe that was the most believable look for an undercover situation.

"What you looking at?" Peralta sounded both annoyed and self-conscious.

"You look like a white dude who's about to spit some fire verses." Judy just had to.

Peralta looked bewildered. "Well." He paused. "I'm not sure whether you're joking or not but you can always check my soundcloud one of these days." And left. Judy followed with a swallowed chuckle.

Everything went on smoothly. They were able to trick Ruiz into believing their cover story, which had them hired by Ruiz. NYPD was surrounding the place, ready to invade it when told to. It was almost too good to be true. And then, a garbage truck was suddenly inside the place. What the hell was going on? Was it the NYPD? Rosa said no, ordering their men to get in. It was turmoil. Jake saw Rosa being knocked down, but she said she didn't need help. Actually, she yelled at Jake to turn around. When he did, he saw Judy hopping on the Garbage truck, one foot of his boot on his hand.

"Bye bye, Peralta. Here's your GPS."

Damn it! He went after Judy, and even got to grab his arm. "Aha! I got you!"

"Yeah, you did, but your boy Tito is getting away." Jake grunted in anger, fear, disappointment, but most of all resignation. Once again, he had been fooled by Judy.

"Damn it! Damn you, Doug Judy!" He had to run after Ruiz.

As much as he wanted to get the Pontiac Bandit, he knew how much it would cost his friends and his precinct losing Ruiz. He had to make the right decision. It was the toughest possible though.

"I'll never forget you, Dante Thunderstone!" He could hear Judy's voice behind his back as he ran as fast as he could.

Finally, he got Ruiz. "You have the right to remain Doug Judy. Anything you Doug or Judy can be used against you in a Doug of Judy. Sorry, I'm preoccupied by someone who will remain nameless. I'll start over." And he did.

"Who the hell is Dante Thunderstone?" Kyle asked as he drove the garbage truck, side-eyeing Judy as he sat down.

"Just a very unfortunate man who lost his mommy. His father was Zeus though. Both dope and mythic. I'm gonna miss him."

Kyle was confused but chose not to dwell on it.

Jake was once again miserable. How could he do that? I mean, stealing cars, sure. But somehow betraying him, once again, seemed like Judy's biggest, cruelest crime. Rosa sat next to him and he decided to embrace his misery and show her the message he got from his arch enemy. He'd watched that video a hundred times. He wasn't quite sure why. He felt like crying but also like punching things. Giggling but also frowning. Wanting to lock the man on the screen away for life, but also desperately wanting to see him again. He gulped his beer, knowing fully well that he would. Soon.


End file.
